as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
