Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
