Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cockslap morals
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
