wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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