i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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