She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
