i think my tv is drunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
