Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
