your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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