god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
