Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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