Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
