I faked an abortion last night.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
