The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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