Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
