If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
