there's paper in my vomit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
