I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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