he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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