Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
