You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
