We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
