'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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