**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
