I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
