so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
