The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
