It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
