so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
