that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
