When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
