Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
