Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
