That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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