you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
