dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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