Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
