I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
