U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
