Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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