I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
