Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
