new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
