I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it