I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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