I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
