Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
