i don't like sucking hair
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
