are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
