you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
