Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
