Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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