My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
