Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
