i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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