Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
