Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
