Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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