Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
