Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
