im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
