i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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