Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
