Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
