hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
