I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
