On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
