then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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