This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
