Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
