I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
