there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
