forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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