I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
