If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She bit a glass in half.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
