Betty ford says i'm here all night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
