Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
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i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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