Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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