I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
