tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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