I think I died a long time ago.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
