she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
