so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
