i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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