What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
