I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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