I think my vagina is haunted
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
