the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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