toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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